Alex Rodriguez’s steroids passed Mark McGwire’s steroids on Major League Baseball’s career home run list on Saturday. Rodriguez’s steroids’ first home run of the season gave them 584 career home runs, which is eighth best all-time.

“This is a real victory for new steroids,” said steroid distributor John Little. “It just goes to show you that every decade, our products get better and better.”

“The general public was concerned that this generation of steroids weren’t as strong as those of years past,” Little added. “The naysayers say that McGwire looked like Superman, and that A-Rod only looked like Spider-Man. Who’s laughing now? The steroids manufacturers. That’s who. And they’re laughing at God.”

Up next on the home run list for Rodriguez’s steroids are Frank Robinson’s natural talents. Robinson is currently seventh with 586 career round-trippers. Experts say that the chemical cocktail that has made Rodriguez great should pass the historically great outfielder’s achievements within the week.

“Robinson’s holistic approach to being a human being is no match for Rodriguez’s combination of hormones, unstable molecules and gorilla muscle implants,” said surgeon Leo Montgomery. “Sure, Robinson could hit a baseball 430, maybe 450 feet if he hit it squarely. But Rodriguez can rip a mailbox out of the ground in a fit of rage.”

“I mean, come on, a gorilla can rip a human arm out of its socket by accident,” Montgomery said. “That’s insane. They can do that without even trying. And ever since we put that gorilla bicep into the shell of what was once Alex Rodriguez, he’s been hitting the ball harder than ever.”

Major League Baseball officials were thrilled to see Rodriguez’s steroids continue to climb up the charts into baseball history.

“Yippee,” said baseball commissioner Bud Selig. “Great for Alex.”

Dennis Lewin, chairman of Little League Baseball, said that Rodriguez’s steroids provided hope to young people all over the nation.

“When I was a kid, you kind of assumed that you had to be, by definition, a person,” Lewin said. “This generation of young boys knows that they can be whatever kind of genetically engineered man-monster that they want to be.”

“Sure, old steroids have been around for a long time,” Lewin added. “I mean the ballplayers in the ‘80s looked like the big palookas from the Bugs Bunny cartoons. But the new generation of carcinogenic, soul-sucking chemicals that Rodriguez has consumed have changed everything. The guy is a superhero. He will presumably die by age 43 as the all-time home run leader, letting every kid know that with the right painful, burning, untested drugs, he can be a wall of muscle and unstable emotions.”

“And that’s not even mentioning the adamantium bone graft that both Wolverine and Alex Rodriguez got in Canada. That really shows today’s kids that they can be whatever they want. They can even have claws.”

The National Steroids Hall of Fame will be honoring Rodriguez’s steroids with a plaque on May 14th. The picture will feature a syringe being injected into Rodriguez’s buttock and be inscribed with the number 584. Rodriguez’s dealer, Bryan O’Connell, will also be inducted into the dealers’ wing of the museum.

Mark McGwire’s steroids couldn’t be reached for comment, but their representative said that they were extremely impressed with Rodriguez’s steroids’ achievements.